New rules of IT

Recently IT has adopted a variety of sweeping changes in how they support, respond, and fix equipment and the related services. IT took the best practices of industries and the government and applied to respective changes after diligent research.

Below are samples of these changes:

1) Network access will be on a first-come, first-serve basis from this point forward. Modeled after America's large cities' traffic and road infrastructures, we don't design roads to actually hold the cars that need to use them, we adopted the same philosophy in our network infrastructure. "Oh, you mean ALL 800 of your employees need to get on the network starting between 8 and 9? Sorry, we'll take 1/4. The rest need to either get in earlier or come in later."

2) Based on best practices of public works departments, after hour change windows are canceled immediately. Our people will actually do the work when it's convenient for them, not the end users. This applies to applications and all systems. Additionally, changes to these systems will be performed without communicating when or if the changes will take place or how long they will take.

3) Based on our exemplary airline industry, meetings and project timelines or anything with dates or timed delivery are eliminated. The amount of overhead we can remove from actually planning, scheduling, then trying to keep that schedule will be astounding. We will, however, give you general guidelines and estimated timetables. We would ask that all employees attempting to meet with IT staff please arrive two hours ahead of time.

4) Based on traffic speed limits, network thresholds will be scaled back and limited. Some of you are going too fast across our network and being too productive. We should all strive to have the same level of productivity and work at the same pace regardless of how powerful your computer is or your proficiency in using that computer.

Finally, 5) Alternate routing of network/Internet traffic will be eliminated. Also, features of network traffic that retransmit packet failures will be eliminated. If an email fails to reach its destination, for example, it is now the sender's responsibility to find an alternate route to deliver that message.

It's amazing the ridiculous inconveniences we put up with everyday that we wouldn't stand for for one minute in our IT infrastructure!

Feel free to cut and past this and forward, maybe even forward to your favorite IT professional.